Not This Time

I can’t believe how sure I was that this was it. The implant bleeding on 9dpo really convinced me since I had only experienced it once before when I was pregnant with Adeline. Friday I called my obgyn and talked to a nurse about what I was experiencing and how I was getting negative tests but the nurse said it was still early and to keep testing until this Friday the 30th to be sure…. well turns out none of that mattered because the very next day I got my period and just like that everything was over 😦

The only bright side of this situation would have been that I could immediately start round 3 of femera on Tuesday, today, rather than have to take progesterone and wait for my period to come since it actually came naturally for once. But then I realized that no, that’s not how this was going to go because AC has his summer army training and would be gone all month and wouldn’t be here for ovulation, so there goes this cycle. I have to skip this month and wait until September before trying again 😦 ahhh! Infertility is really the worst.

Still Waiting and in Need of Answers

I am really confused as to what is happening in this cycle. On 9dpo I had been having some cramping and then what I know was implant bleeding. I thought for sure that meant I would get a positive pregnancy test right away and this would be it! But instead I have been getting negative pregnancy test after negative test. I am currently on cd 33 and 5 days past the implant bleeding…I plan to keep testing a few more days for that last shred of hope but I think it should have been positive by now. By Monday if it is still negative I plan on calling my doctor and trying to come in and talk to her about what is going on. When I was trying to get pregnant with Aoife the specialist had me on progesterone inserts right after ovulation to keep my levels up and try to avoid an early miscarriage since we just didn’t know what caused Adeline to be born at 28 weeks. Maybe I should be on progesterone for these cycles too? I know my body did the rest of the work this time, ovulating, implanting, but then if it isn’t sticking around after, why?? I need answers or maybe it’s time to be passed back to the specialist like I am every time before it results in a pregnancy.

Round 3

Ok so not a lot has happened since I posted in March which is why I haven’t been updating. After the first round of Femara didn’t work I decided to stop round 2 until I was able to get my covid vaccine. It was just a personal choice that I felt would be best for myself, my family, and my potential unborn baby if I managed to get pregnant during the pandemic. I wasn’t able to get my first dose until late April and then my 2nd dose mid May. So I want able to start my 2nd round of Femara until just last month in June. After jumping through all of the hoops of taking progesterone, waiting a week and then taking Femara on cd4 then waiting another week to test for ovulation, I ended up being out of town and the whole cycle was scraped!

So now I’m currently in round 3 of Femara but really round 2. I’ve just started the 2 week wait so we’ll see what happens!

Last month Adeline turned 4 and will start preschool in the fall! So hard to believe, she is growing up so fast. Aoife is a year and a half and is running, jumping, climbing and saying short sentences and so many words! Seems like she is learning several new words a day!

Round 1 Done

My 1st round of Letrozole/Femera failed, well not completely I guess. I did ovulate but then nothing. I really should be taking progesterone to force restart a new cycle but I just haven’t gotten around to it. I need to call Dr. C and see if she’ll up my dose of Letrozole from one to 2 pills since that is how much I was on to get pregnant with Aoife. Hopefully she approves that. Also, I guess I also haven’t restarted my next round because if everything were to actually work out this month, I would have another December baby. I don’t really want Aoife to have to share her birthday with another sibling on top of Christmas and 4 other close relatives on AC’s side have December birthdays as well. I know I shouldn’t care that much about that and just be happy if we can manage to have another baby but it does factor in for us. So I am currently just taking a little break before starting round 2. I only get 3 rounds after all, before I am sent back to a specialist, which is what it has taken to get my other 2 girls.

TTC # 3

It has been waaay too long. We have mainly just been hunkering down and trying to wait out the Pandemic. AC and I are both still working from home and our girls are not going to daycare. Hopefully by the fall it will be safe enough for Adeline to go to preschool, especially with people getting vaccinated.

But anyway, I figured I would start blogging again to keep track of trying to conceive baby # 3! I am currently on my 1st medicated cycle. After going to my annual check up Dr. C asked about if we wanted any more children and I said yes, we thought we would try for I more before I turned 35 and everything became even harder for me and potentially dangerous since I am already high risk for preterm labor. She agreed and wanted us to start trying on our own for 3 months starting in Dec 2020. December I didn’t even ovulate so that month was a bust. I was frustrated and called Dr. C asking if we could skip the 2 other months since we already know I never ovulate on my own because of my PCOS. She agreed that we could start on Progesterone to restart my cycle since my period wasn’t coming either and then I’d take Femera between cycle day 3-5.

Well the first dose of Progesterone did nothing, which is weird, it always works for me. Dr. C wanted to bring me in to test my BETA numbers to see if I was pregnant even though I was required to take a pregnancy test before starting the progesterone and the home test was negative. I knew it was impossible for me to be pregnant though because AC had just had back surgery in October so we weren’t exactly getting busy lol. So after discussing that with Dr, C she let me take a 2nd dose of progesterone rather than having to come in for an appointment. Thankfully the 2nd dose did work and I decided to take the Femera on CD5. I don’t like that it was up to me to decide at random which day between CD 3 and 5 I would take the Femera. At the specialist they monitor everything and decide for you which date would be most successful… After finishing the Femera you have to start testing for ovulation about 7 to 10 days later. Well day 7 the test was just negative, which was frustrating. Day 8, 9, 10 & 11 the test was flashing, which means it detects the ovulation but it still hasn’t happened yet. At that point I decided this cycle was doomed from the start since the progesterone had so much trouble from day 1. The morning of 12 days after, the test was still just flashing so I decided to take a 2nd test that night and finally I was ovulating! I don’t know if it coming a few days late will effect anything or not. Currently I am in the 2 week wait. So we will see what happens!

Snow Day!

6-9 months & 3 Years

I have gotten very far behind. Working remotely from home and juggling the girls makes posting anything pretty challenging. Aoife is now 9 months old and is crawling fast everywhere. She is also climbing on everything and can stand independently too! It’s just a matter of time before she takes her 1st steps. She is 16 lbs now and in the 25 percentile. She has 2 bottom teeth finally, teething has been a nightmare! She is eating any solid foods she can get her little hands on; eggs, carrots, muffins, bread, chicken pieces, cheerios, etc. Yogurt with peanut butter mixed in is her favorite. She is also saying dada AND mama now! I am so happy she has finally learned mama! She also waves and points at everything with her index finger. So adorable!

Adeline turned 3 years old back in June. She talks so much, tells stories, loves to sing! She is rambunctious and goes a mile a minute all day long. She still loves all things Frozen but also watches Bambi, 101 Dalmatians, and the Aristocats on repeat. She insists on doing everything herself and helping with all tasks. She is a great big sister most of the time but has her moments. Time out is definitely not new to her haha! But mostly she is sweet and loving and still wants me to hold her and snuggle all of the time. I am so happy she hasn’t grown out of this!

Life Updates

20200510_182535_capture_158915890529420200520_084952_1589979534625I am pretty behind on Aoife’s 5 months post. At her 4 months check up she was 12 lbs and 22 inches long. She is very small for her size like her sister but is growing at a healthy rate. Not too much as changed from 4 to 5 months. She rolls a lot, loves baby food, laughing at her sister and playing with toys. She is also very very close to being able to sit up unsupported! Maybe by next month.

I am currently working from home, which is challenging with a toddler running around an infant but it is also so great and I am loving it. Especially the part where my girls are both staying healthy and not constantly sick from all the germs of daycare. I am already so concerned with the thought of me having to return to the office and put them back in daycare. Infants have their own scary risks with the Coronavirus. AC thinks he should be working from home through the month of June as he isn’t part of the first phase returning at his work. I think, as long as my work considers infants a high risk, that I shouldn’t have to go back until the last phase in my office. They also factor in those without daycares for their kids too. So those combined should help me to continue working from home for awhile and keeping my kids healthier for longer but we shall see.

In other news, Adeline will be turning 3 years old in one week!!! We will just have a very intimate party of just AC, Aoife, and I, as well as my brother in law, as it is his week to come help with the children while AC and I are working. We are so blessed to have both of our mothers and AC’s brother able to come to our house on weekdays to help with the girls so that we can get our work done successfully. Adeline is definitely a Threenager now! She isn’t afraid to shout NO! or stomp her feet at us when she is angry or didn’t like something. I’ll do more of an update on her for her birthday. She is growing up so fast!


4 Months

20200409_195505_capture(0)_1586477888050_1586478154605Aoife turned 4 months old on the 10th. I don’t know officially how much she weighs since her next appointment isn’t until the 24th but i’d guess maybe 12 pounds. Frankly, I am surprised her 4 months appointment wasn’t cancelled due to the Covid 19 lockdown but I guess they don’t want to delay her shots and make sure she is growing good.

Aoife’s Likes: smiling! she is such a happy baby and is so close to laughing. She especially loves smiling and looking at her sister Adeline. She also loves talking, well baby babble, which she does all day long. Once she learns to talk there will be no stopping her!

Aoife’s Dislikes: tummy time! That’s pretty much it. Baths aren’t her favorite but she tolerates them well. And I guess not being held makes her upset some too ever since her Meemaw was over for 2 weeks and barely put her down!

Nicknames: Eevee is what AC likes to call her. Yes, like the pokemon! haha

Weight: I’m guessing 12 pounds but I’ll find out for sure next friday. She was on the very small side last doctor’s visit being in the 7th percentile. She just moved into size 2 diapers though I still put her in size 1s during the day just to use up what we have. She is still wearing size 3m clothing.

Milestones: Aoife rolled over once from her back to her belly. Though she chose to do that for her MeeMaw and AC while I was in the bathroom and missed it! She is also starting to hold her bottle on her own.

1, 2, 3

Yesterday Aoife turned 3 months old! I don’t know how that is even possible. Time goes by so quickly with infants and kids in general.

Aoife at her 2 months appointment, (which was really closer to her being 3 months) was 9lbs 15oz. AC and I thought that sounded huge since we could only compare to Adeline who was a preemie. But in fact Aoife is in the 7th percentile for weight! So tiny! And even smaller for height in the 0.5% at 20 in long! The pediatrician wasn’t too concerned though at how small Aoife was since AC and I are not tall people and Adeline is still very small as well. 23 pounds at 2 and half years old! The doctor said since Aoife skips a feeding or 2 during the night, that means she is getting enough food during the day and is doing great!

At 3 months old:

Aoife has very strong neck muscles and can hold her head up independently.

She can sit on her own if propped up with something or the corner of the couch.

She is such a happy baby during the day. She smiles all of the time and I love it!

When 8pm rolls around, like clockwork, she starts screaming however! The doctor thinks it’s colic. And boy can she scream. She is deafeningly loud! Adeline was not even close to the volume Aoife has. It’s as impressive as it is painful! Thankfully her screaming doesn’t last as long as it was at 2 months. I am hoping it’ll taper off soon…when do babies grow out of colic?!

Anyway, she is wearing size 1 diapers and 0 to 3 month clothing.

She started daycare last week sadly. But she seems to be enjoying it. Her teacher says she is always happy and loves to eat!

Speaking of which, she is eating between 3 and 5oz every 3 hours. She really loves to eat! I am pumping at work and nursing at home but because of my PCOS I am not making that much milk so I am supplementing her feedings as well. I cannot keep up with her appetite! She is going through a 32oz formula bottle at daycare every 3 days :O

She loves to be held but also is a fan of just sitting up on her own in her little froggy chair that supports her.

Birth Story

My maternity leave has officially ended and this was my first week back to work and both girls are now in full time daycare 😦 But this does give me time to enter back into the blog world and finally write my daughter’s birth story!

Monday, December 9th I went to the doctors for my 38 weeks routine appointment. I had to bring Adeline with me and take the day off of work because Adeline was sick with a virus. (turns out she actually had pneumonia!) I had Adeline sit on a chair and watch her tablet while I was checked out. I was at 4cm dilated! Not very effaced though. Dr. C of course asked what I had decided about an induction date, the 16th or my Dec 21st due date since she was determined to not let me go past that. I chose Dec 21st because at 4cm, what are the real chances that I was making it 2 more weeks anyway?

That evening, a little before AC got home from work, I had some very mild cramping. But they weren’t steady enough to time and barely hurt so I didn’t worry. Though I knew this probably meant this little girl would be coming in a few days…

Around 2:30am AC and I were woken up by Adeline needing another dose of medicine because she was starting to feel bad again and couldn’t sleep. We had just finished getting her her medicine, which was a huge struggle, she had started spitting it out!, when before we could get her back to sleep I started being hit by some super painful contractions! AC could tell something was wrong so I told him baby girl might be coming tonight. He immediately phoned his mom and told his family to start the hour drive to our house. We needed them to come watch Adeline so that we could get to the hospital. I started timing the contractions but stupidly decided to use an app for that rather than just look at a clock, and I read the app wrong. I thought it was saying they were 10 min apart so I hopped in the shower, as I have read on so many blogs that this eases the pain. Yeahhh, while in the shower I was hit with contraction after contraction and knew they were much closer together than 10 min apart. I hurried up and hopped out and started watching the clock and found out that they were actually 3 min apart and we really needed to get to the hospital fast!  AC called his parents to see where they were while I got dressed…they hadn’t left the house yet!! So we decided there was no time, they would have to just meet us at the hospital instead and we would have to take Adeline with us in the mean time. Poor baby, sick with pneumonia and having to be loaded into the car at 3am and then worry about her mom who is in some serious pain on top of that. In the car we had to make a quick decision of which hospital to head to. The one Adeline was born at is a straight shot down the road 10 min from our house but the one that my doctor is associated with is about 15 min away. I decides on the slightly further away hospital since my doctor was really on me about going to the one they were associated with. I prayed we had the time to get there, as my contractions were getting closer and closer and incredibly painful. We thankfully made it there in about 9 min due to blowing through red lights and driving over the speed limit.

Once we ran in and were checking in at the front desk of the ER, I was already asking about an epidural hahaha. I remember hearing a code blue being called over the loud speaker though, right after I was finished signing my name. Little did I know just how much that was going to affect my delivery experience…

So after being checked in we were taken to a small room and asked to fill out paperwork and for me to give a urine sample if possible. It was not! Also to change into a hospital gown and  then we were left in the room alone. I was extremely angry and confused as to why I wasn’t being checked right away and taken care of. I felt like my contractions were coming every other min and I couldn’t bare it. To make matters worse, AC had to leave me too. I was kneeling on the floor hunched over with my head on the bed in excruciating pain when AC decided he should probably take Adeline out into the hall until his parents arrived. She was very scared for me. She is only 2 and half and witnessing her mom in that much pain was terrifying for her, so I knew AC had to do it, but laboring without his support was very hard. Eventually, after what felt like forever, the nurse came back and checked me. I was 8cm dilated. They decided to move me to a delivery room and the whole time I am being wheeled down there I was asking when I could get an epidural.

Once I got set up in my new room a team of nurses assembled. AC was still away with Adeline waiting on his parents to arrive. Thank goodness for this one particular nurse Genifer. She was the only one there talking me through my contractions and the pain. Having me take deep breaths and focus on her. I was really falling apart without AC and not having the epidural yet to take my pain away. I asked again about getting the epidural or even a spinal block if there wasn’t time for the epidural. The pain was unbearable and I wanted it to stop. That’s when Genifer told me the truth, that code blue I had heard when I had just got to the hospital meant the only person who could administer an epidural or spinal block was away and I wasn’t going to get one in time. I couldn’t believe it! I had not prepared for a natural birth! I thought I was going to die. At that point, sometime after 4am, AC finally came into my room, his parents had arrived and taken Adeline back home. I told him how I wasn’t going to be able to get an epidural and that I couldn’t do this. It felt so painful and impossible to endure. Genifer told me she knew I was capable of doing this and she believed in me. That I was going to get through this and was a very strong person. With that, the doctor on call arrived and I started pushing. Let me tell you, I could have sworn I had read somewhere that pushing helped elevate contraction pain, it did not for me. It made it a million times worse! I thought I was going to pass out from the pain with each push. I couldn’t keep my eyes opened. I squeezed them shut and kept screaming with each push. I am a very quiet, shy person, so when I started screaming with each push, it surprised me! They then had to put an oxygen mask on my face because baby girls heart rate started dropping. They told me we had to get her out soon and to dig really deep with the next few pushes, she was right there and had to come out! I begged the doctor to just grab her and yank her out for me lol. She told me she couldn’t, this is something I had to do myself.

Finally, at 4:51am my sweet little baby Aoife was born (pronounced EE-fa, it’s Irish). What a huge relief that was! Life flooded back into me as they wiped her down a little. AC did not get to cut the cord, once again! I don’t even know why, they didn’t even offer for him to, they just immediately did it. As they put Aoife on my chest, I started shaking pretty violently but thankfully it was just a normal response to what my body had been through. They put more blankets on me and brought me water. She was beautiful! And though I would never ever do it again, I was proud that I could say I had a natural birth. That I was strong and delivered Aoife without an epidural. Something I never imagined doing. Aoife was 6 lbs 15 oz and 20 in long. We love her so much!20191210_071317_capturetmp_2019121115474476291