You Mattered

I completed my last round of Letrozole at the very end of August. I also had called my doctor asking to add progesterone inserts because that is what the RE specialist put me on combined with the Letrozole and a trigger shot that worked for when I got pregnant with Aoife. Dr. C agreed but instead of having me take it 4 days after ovulation like the RE had me do to keep my progesterone levels up she said start them after I get a positive pregnancy test…I didn’t see how that would help anything at all. Friends, I do not recommend this, but I started the progesterone 4 days after ovulation like I knew worked with my RE instead of waiting.

My sister got married at the end of September so I put off taking a pregnancy test until the day after her wedding. I didn’t want to be unhappy on her special day if it was negative. So the next day, 10 days past ovulation (I know it was still very early to test) I took a hpt and it was positive! I was so happy and thought the progesterone inserts must have made all the difference for my last round of Letrozole. AC and I were thrilled and already starting thinking about our future with 3 little ones and what they would be like. AC told his brother the good news and I told my best friend who lives overseas.

About 3 weeks later, that Monday, I had some spotting. It wasn’t much but I called a nurse anyway. She assured me that was normal unless it got heavier or I started having bad cramping. I wanted to believe that everything was going to be ok but as the day went on I was getting more and more worried something wasn’t right. I went to the grocery store and got a pregnancy test. I figured seeing the positive lines would put my mind at ease…boy was I wrong. Not only was there not even a faint 2nd line showing up, there was no second line at all! It was just completely negative. The bleeding picked up some after that and I had some cramps but nothing major. I called the nurse again who scheduled me to come in later that week for a beta test but I knew it was all over. AC and I were devastated. Our dreams of our 3rd baby to complete our family was gone in the blink on an eye. When I did get into my obgyn my beta was at less than 5 and Dr. C said because I really only experienced minor cramping and bleeding the baby must have left me shortly after implanting that it was more like a chemical pregnancy. She said the one good thing that came out of this was that it showed my body could get pregnant on the Letrozole so she wouldn’t be sending me to the RE. That instead we would restart my 3 rounds of Letrozole here after I skip this next cycle…I really don’t know how I feel about this. The RE gives me monitored cycles and watches everything so closely vs. my regular obgyn I am in the dark each cycle with what is working or not. Not to mention, she doesn’t know that I took the progesterone inserts early to help me get pregnant. I guess I should tell her but now I am afraid to! And starting over is so scary now, what if this is the start of more miscarriages, going through that was awful!

I am so thankful to have my 2 daughters though. Some women with PCOS never get to have any babies so I know how much of a miracle my two are.

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